theWave

Every urge rises, crests, and falls — whether or not you obey it. This is a place to wait it out.

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Read the welcome again  ·  User guide  ·  Disclaimer & terms

Why this exists

The Wave is a companion for the hours that are hardest to get through alone. It comes from real life rather than a textbook — from a family who lives with OCD and anxiety every day. Whatever you are carrying today, you are not the first to carry it, and you are not carrying it alone.

It follows the principles of exposure and response prevention, which means it will never answer the question your OCD is asking. That refusal is deliberate, and it's the whole point.

What is it going after right now?

Pick the closest fit. It doesn't have to be exact.

A gentle flag. Checking back for the right wording is itself a compulsion. Try closing this and letting the wave finish without it.
    Name it

    What is it telling you to do right now?

    Put the demand into your own words. Naming a compulsion out loud is most of the work of not performing it.

    The next ten minutes

    Do this instead

      The line above is meant to feel unresolved. That's the point — it refuses the argument instead of winning it.

      Calming down is not the goal — you can do the hard thing while shaking. But a body stuck in alarm can't hear anything, so start here if you need to.

      If it's a full panic surge

      Long exhales, longer than the inhale. Feet flat, name five things you can see. Panic peaks in minutes and cannot sustain itself — it always runs out of fuel. You don't have to do anything to make it stop.

      Exposures that tend to help with this

        Ideas, not prescriptions. Exposures work best built with a therapist, in an order you choose, repeated until they get boring.

        Ride it out

        Don't do the compulsion. Don't fix anything. Just watch the shape of it.

        10:00
        The urge climbs, then it falls. It has never once been permanent.
        0:00

        Set where it is right now, then start. No fixed length — run it until it eases.

        6

        hard to think about anything else

        Waves keep rolling for as long as the timer runs, then fade out on their own. Headphones make it more convincing.

        If you make it to the end

        Postponing counts. Every minute you don't perform the compulsion is a minute your brain spends learning that the alarm was wrong. If you need to delay again after this, delay again.

        Breathe

        Ready
        Four in, hold four, four out, hold four

        If breath-holding feels bad, drop the holds and just breathe out longer than you breathe in. Slow exhales are the part that does the work.

        Five senses

        Say each one out loud if you can. Ordinary things count — a scuff on the floor, the hum of the fridge.

        You're not alone

        Some company, factually

        Roughly one in a hundred adults has OCD in any given year — millions of people. A great many of them have had the exact thought you're most ashamed of. It's common enough to have a name in the clinical literature. You are not the exception.

        And the people who get better mostly don't get there by feeling braver. They get there by doing the boring, repeated, unglamorous work of not answering it, on days that felt exactly like this one.

        Notes from you, to you

        Written on a clear day, read on a bad one. Your own words carry further than anyone else's — and so do words a person who loves you writes here.

        Careful with these: a note that answers the fear ("the door is definitely locked") becomes a reassurance ritual. Notes about who you are and what you can stand hold up better.

        New entry

        Write it as close to the moment as you can. Fill in what you know and skip the rest — a thin entry beats no entry.

        What it was about

        What set it off

        What OCD demanded

        How high it got

        6 — hard to think about anything else

        What you did

        How long you held out

        10 min

        What helped you get through it

        Where it landed

        3 — noticeable

        How long until it eased

        20 min

        Anything worth remembering

        "Did the compulsion" is a normal entry. Everyone in recovery has hundreds of them, and an honest record is worth more to your therapist than a flattering one.

        Ban book

        What it demanded, what you did, and what happened next.

        Rituals you've taken off the table, and the rule you're holding to instead. Add them when you're steady, not mid-spike.

        Peak anxiety, entry by entry

        Green means you held or delayed. Amber means you did it differently. Rose means the compulsion won that one.

        Take it to your therapist

        Exports everything as a plain text file you can print, email, or paste into a session note.

        The long game

        What actually shrinks OCD

        Exposure and response prevention. You approach what the fear points at, and then you don't perform the ritual — not while gritting your teeth waiting for relief, but long enough that your brain quietly updates its estimate. The anxiety drops on its own. It always does; the compulsion just keeps stealing the credit.

        The exposure is the easy half to explain. The response prevention is the half that works.

        Why "wait for it to come down" is only half the story

        The older model said exposure works because anxiety habituates — it drops if you stay long enough. Newer work on inhibitory learning says that is not really the mechanism. Plenty of people habituate and do not improve; others improve without habituating at all.

        What seems to matter more is expectancy violation: writing down what you believe will happen, then finding out it does not. The session ends when the prediction is disconfirmed, not when you feel better. Surprise is the active ingredient, which is why easy exposures teach so little.

        It also matters that you learn the feeling is survivable, not just that the situation is safe. Anxiety, disgust and guilt are not faults to be fixed.

        This is why the wave timer asks what you are afraid will happen before you start, and what you learned when you finish. The approach is promising rather than proven, and its own authors say it is not yet a replacement for standard ERP — which is why both are here. See the IOCDF article by Jonathan Abramowitz, PhD.

        The compulsions nobody sees

        Mental review. Replaying the conversation. Praying until it feels right. Checking whether you still feel anxious. Googling. Asking a partner one more time. Reading this app for the eleventh time tonight. These count, and they're often the ones that keep a person stuck after years of treatment, because they never made it onto anyone's list.

        Where medication sits

        SSRIs, often at higher doses and for longer than in depression, help a substantial number of people with OCD, and are frequently combined with ERP rather than used instead of it. Some people add another agent. That's a conversation for a prescriber who treats OCD specifically — and worth returning to if a past trial was short, low-dose, or twenty years ago.

        Build a ladder

        List things you avoid, rate the dread from 0 to 10, and start near the bottom — not at the top. Repeat each rung until it's dull, then climb.

        4

        Finding someone who knows OCD

        The International OCD Foundation keeps a directory of therapists, intensive programs, and residential facilities at iocdf.org/help, filterable by specialty and credential.

        Questions worth asking a prospective therapist: Do you use exposure and response prevention, specifically? What proportion of your caseload is OCD? Will you leave the office to do an exposure if that's what it takes? Vagueness about ERP, or discouragement about medication, are both reasons to keep looking.

        Talk therapy that analyzes the content of obsessions — why this fear, what it means about you — tends to make OCD worse rather than better. It's an understandable trap, and a common one.

        For the people who love you

        This page is for a partner, parent, or friend. It's the part of OCD that no one warns families about.

        The accommodation trap

        Answering "are you sure it's clean?", doing the checking for her, rearranging the household around what's safe to touch — these come from love, and they are the single strongest predictor of a poor outcome in OCD. Each answer buys a few minutes of calm and raises tomorrow's price. Most families are deep in it before anyone names it.

        What to say instead

        • "I love you, and I'm not going to answer that one — we agreed I wouldn't."
        • "I can sit here with you while it passes. I can't make it go away."
        • "That sounds like the OCD. What did you plan to do when it showed up?"
        • "I'm not leaving. I'm just not doing the ritual with you."

        Withdraw accommodation gradually, agreed in advance and in writing, ideally with their therapist — not suddenly in the middle of a spike. Announced ahead of time it's a plan; done mid-crisis it's a betrayal.

        For you, separately

        Years of this is a long time to be the steady one. Family programs exist — the IOCDF directory lists support groups for relatives, and SPACE is a structured treatment aimed at family accommodation that works through the family member rather than the patient. Your own therapist is not a luxury here.

        Two things can be true at once: they are not their OCD, and living alongside their OCD has cost you something real. You're allowed to say the second part out loud somewhere.

        A newer version is ready.

        The Wave Plus

        Every crisis tool in this app is free and always will be. Nothing that helps you get through a spike will ever sit behind a payment screen. Plus adds the things that help between them.

        What you get

        • Voice notes. Record yourself on a steady day, or let someone who loves you record something. Play it back when reading is too much.
        • Soundscape library. Rain, fire, night, wind and stream, alongside the ocean that stays free.
        • Analytics. Months of patterns: which themes cost you most, what time of day it hits, which responses actually shorten it.
        • OCD partner. A space for your partner or family member, with accommodation tracking and agreed responses.
        • Backup and sync. Your ban book kept safe and carried between phone, tablet and desktop.

        Your subscription

        Seven days free. Nothing is charged until the trial ends, and cancelling during it costs you nothing.

        Payment is handled entirely by Stripe. Card details never touch this app, and nothing you write in the app is ever sent to them.

        By subscribing you agree to the terms of use. The Wave is an educational and self-help tool, not medical treatment, and it is not a substitute for professional care.

        If the price is the thing standing in your way, write to hello@ocdwave.com. We would rather you had it.

        Restore your access

        Enter the email you used at checkout and we will switch Plus on for this device.

        Voice notes

        Written words get thin when it's loud. A voice doesn't. Record yourself on a steady day, or hand the phone to someone who loves you and let them say it.

        Tap to record

        Say the thing you'd want to hear at four in the morning.

        Save this one

        Recordings are stored on this device only. They are never uploaded.

        Soundscape library

        All generated live, so nothing loops and nothing needs a connection.

        Fade out after

        Nothing playing.

        Analytics

        Everything here is calculated from your ban book, on this device.

        OCD partner

        This section is for the person supporting someone with OCD. It's built around the one thing that changes outcomes most: reducing accommodation without reducing love.

        Log a request for reassurance or a ritual you were asked to join. Over weeks this shows whether accommodation is actually coming down.

        What were you asked for

        What did you do

        How did it go

        Lines that hold the line

        • "I love you, and I'm not going to answer that one. We agreed I wouldn't."
        • "I can sit here with you while it passes. I can't make it go away."
        • "That sounds like the OCD talking. What did you plan to do when it showed up?"
        • "I'm not leaving. I'm just not doing the ritual with you."
        • "I'm going to say the same thing I said last time, and then I'm going to stop."

        Your own agreed responses

        Write the exact wording you both settled on, so you're not improvising at midnight.

        How to withdraw accommodation without it feeling like abandonment

        Agree it in advance, in writing, ideally with their therapist. Announced ahead of time it's a plan you made together. Done suddenly mid-spike it lands as a betrayal, and you'll both pay for it for weeks.

        Pick one accommodation at a time. Name the date it changes. Say what you'll do instead, out loud, before it happens.

        Your agreement

        You're carrying something too

        Being the steady one for years is its own kind of exhausting, and there's rarely anywhere to put that down. Two things are true at once: they are not their OCD, and living alongside it has cost you something real. You're allowed to say the second part out loud somewhere.

        Where to take it

        The IOCDF lists support groups for family members at iocdf.org/help. SPACE is a structured treatment that works through the family member rather than the patient, and it exists precisely because accommodation is so hard to unwind alone. Your own therapist is not a luxury here.

        Backup & sync

        Your ban book, bans, notes and settings live in this browser. Clearing site data would take them with it, so keep a copy somewhere.

        Backup file

        Everything except voice recordings, in one file you can keep in cloud storage or email to yourself.

        Sync across devices

        Cloud sync needs an account, and accounts need a server. That part isn't switched on yet. Until it is, the backup file above moves everything between devices: download on one, restore on the other.